Theatre of the Absurd, Hamlet and fandoms

Does anyone out there know of a play called Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard? It is an interesting and amusing play based "in the wings of Hamlet", following two of the minor characters from Hamlet - the titular Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. They die. Sorry, was the title too much of a spoiler for you?
The play is a prime example of the Theatre of the Absurd and metatheatre, artistic movements from circa the 1960s, showing the absurdity of life through the strangeness of the plays.
It also makes my head hurt.
It is amazingly complex and confusing. The characters don't talk to one another, they talk sort of side by side about different topics. I had to analyse a speech in it, for Lit homework, and I started, feeling fine, but by the end, I had a major headache. This is a literal headache, not a metaphorical oh-I'm-so-frustrated sort of headache.
But the play itself is funny and I do like it. I think I'm just weird enough for it.

Because of this, we watched the Kenneth Branagh version of Hamlet in Lit, which brings me to my point the secondmost: the British Library internet filter wouldn't let someone access Hamlet. Wow. And when he went to query the matter at the information desk, he had to spell out "Shakespeare". Ess, Aitch, Ay, Kay etcetera. You can read his post on the matter here.

And Hamlet brings me to my point the lastestmostest: the sheer weirdness of some of the shippings and fandoms out there. For instance: Drapple. In the Harry Potter fandom, people ship the craziest things. In Prisoner of Azkaban and Half-Blood Prince (the movies - this is not book canon), there are a couple of scenes in which Draco is seen holding a Granny Smith apple. Of course, some people have pounced on the opportunity, and, logically, have shipped the two together. It's the most logical thing in the world, isn't it? To some minds it is, obviously. My friend introduced me to this ship and plugged it in to Google images (and I heartily suggest you do the same - there's no porn, trust me!) and I saw a picture that I immediately misquoth Hamlet on. If you Google images "drapple", you'll find the pic I mean. I emailed the picture to my friend with the caption: "Alas, poor apple! I knew her, Horatio". She promptly emailed me back with "Get thee to a nunnery", to which I replied "Those fandoms thou hast, and their adoption tried; Drapple them unto your soul with hoops of steel".
The ball's in her court now, and she hasn't replied for days. I therefore am pleading you, my readers, to think of some Hamlet she could paraphrase to fit this situation. If you have any ideas, please leave a comment!

As just an aside, "thou" was originally the singular of "you" (you being the plural), but because monarchs used the royal we (instead of I), they demanded the same form of address from their subjects: you, not thou. This became a form of respect, but then fell into how it is used today. How 'bout that?

Well, I must be off.
Fare thee well!